President Brady gives his State of the Union Address Photo: FLOTUS from Instagram

Whether a liberal, conservative, anarchist, libertarian or an environmentalist, it is undeniable that Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. will be president of the United States of America. I believe this because of the trends that COVID-19 is showing. Shown by data, by the time election season comes, Coronavirus will have mutated to a point where it spreads to nearly everyone and is far more deadly, killing all those who are not in perfect health. Given that America’s main choices for president over the last few years have been old and not in prime health this will likely lead to their demise, paving the way to Tommy’s presidency. Tom will be the POTUS for a few simple reasons.

  1. He is the healthiest man in America. Tom has been a high caliber NFL quarterback for upward of 20 years now and is in peak health. He follows his personalized TB-12 diet where he eats mostly vegetables and whole grains as well as some fruits and lean meats. He also consumes no coffee, alcohol, sugars or trans fats. He has been cited eating dehydrated fruits and bone broth. Compared to other presidential candidates who are fond of Diet Coke, McDonalds and scoops of ice cream, President Brady’s body surely loves him. Outside of his diet, this man exercises like a racehorse. His workout routine consists of “five days a week and even makes time for brain exercises,” all beginning at 5:30 am in the morning. All of this shows that he might live to the year 2200.
  2. He is well known and loved by most. Compared to candidates like Biden or Trump, who some people will absolutely dislike with their whole heart, everyone respects Tom Brady for being one of if not the greatest NFL player of all time. Of course some people dislike him for his cheating scandal, but people still love him. Furthermore, everyone knows Tom Brady, for instance, when I think of America or freedom, the first thing that comes to mind, is Tom Brady. He is America’s golden boy, the perfect candidate for president.
  3. Finally, he is a happy, happy man. In all aspects of his life he is winning. Firstly, he is married to a Supermodel, Gisselle, who also makes more money than he does. He has beautiful children, that he CLEARLY loves very much, as per multiple photographs. Unlimited friends in the NFL including Robert Kraft. Also, he has obviously won seven Super Bowl rings and played in many more as well as multiple conference championships. Additionally, he played a major role in one of the funniest films of all times with Mawhhk Whhhabuurgh and Seth MacFarlane, in Ted 2. Finally, how could you be Tom Brady and not be happy, you are literally Tom Brady.

In conclusion, come 2024 be prepared to see Thomas on the ballot and in the oval office.


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