The cage has remained empty, and Killer's whereabouts are still unknown.  Photo: Dean Papastrat
The cage has remained empty, and Killer’s whereabouts are still unknown.
Photo: Dean Papastrat

After a recent terrifying experience during which Killer the snake escaped from his home in Mr. Canfield’s classroom, many students have demanded that Mr. Canfield provide tighter security to prevent future disappearances. However, to the dismay of junior Elijah Sheft, the snake is now freely roaming about E trailer. “The thing just freaks me out so badly – like I have a legit phobia of snakes,” said Elijah, “You don’t even get it. I will have a complete meltdown if I see it again.” Due to the hype surrounding the slithering beast, Mr. Assaf has assigned a task force of administrators and faculty, led by guidance counselor Mrs. Eden, to dispel anxiety surrounding the breakout. Mrs. Eden said that she will be “providing daily sessions along with SAB members where students can share their experiences with Killer” to help students deal with trauma after seeing the snake.

Yet, some teachers see the freedom of Killer as a good thing. Mr. Hattori believes that his freshman class needs “some proper Academy fear” imbued into them, and he could not think of a better way to do it. “Secretly, I hope Killer slithers into someone’s backpack before they open it,” he said, “It would just make my day.” Mr. Canfield agrees, annoyed that his freshmen don’t do any work whatsoever and believing that they need some sort of punishment for slacking off. “Do I like snakes? No. Do I like watching freshmen scared out of their minds because of a puny snake? Yes,” he said. If anyone sees the snake, Mr. Assaf says that they should call 1-800-NOSNAKE.

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