Dr. DuPree Named Temporary Head of Upper School
With Mr. Gannon deciding to take a leave of absence due to excessive stress, Dr. DuPree has stepped up to take the reigns of the Upper School. His crusade is to eradicate all AP courses from the Academy. “I can’t stand the vile things [AP courses],” he said, “They force me to waste all of my time teaching lousy, uninspiring novels when I should be teaching literature. As the head of the Upper School, I am going to reinstate actual learning and bury these boring standards.” He claims that many teachers share his opinion, such as Ms. Smith, who would gladly stop assigning homework to all of her students if the AP courses were taken away. “I just don’t like their pace,” she said, “They go too fast, barely emphasize the INCREDIBLY important Rasputin, and completely eliminate all sense of fun from history. I mean, I would be the funniest teacher at the Academy if it wasn’t for the College Board!”
In addition to the course changes, Dr. DuPree plans to revamp the school’s cafeteria. “I want good food every day, not tomato sauce and water for a soup. I want a hearty medieval broth and plates made of bread. Is it too much to ask for around here?” Among the menu items to be added are fresh venison, veal parmesan, exquisite caviar and an all-you-can-eat crepe bar. When asked about the snack bar, Dr. DuPree suggested replacing it with a small Starbucks. “The kids are just so sleepy these days. My sophomores don’t even bother to stay awake in class, so we need to pump them up with energy somehow.” However, he has made it clear that middle school students will not be allowed to drink the coffee, as their teachers threatened to quit otherwise.