erin and robert

Foosball Wars

Erin and Robert fight it out. Photo: Jonathan Webster

MALE PERSPECTIVE:

Table Football. Footzy. Bar Football. Table Soccer. Even Tafelvoetbal (in the Netherlands). These are just a few of the myriad of names for the beloved game known as foosball. This game has been the cornerstone of the Senior Cellar experience for eons.

Foosball is a relatively easy game to set up, with only two parts: a foosball table and a foosball itself. But what happens when the foosball becomes the object of an egregious heist? The seniors found the answer: utter chaos.
Many wondered why for two days in October seniors had to evacuate their usual “Cave of Wonders” and were instead forced to roam around the Inman Center. The madness began with the theft of a foosball. Certain females, who shall go unnamed, felt that the foosball players were too loud. But rather than asking them politely to quiet down, they felt that the more rational approach was to STEAL the foosball. The male members of the senior class searched far and wide for the foosball, but it could not be found. A day later, another foosball was brought in to continue the foosball games.

What many thought was just a lost foosball turned out to be much more sinister: Grand Theft Foosball. When the second foosball disappeared, the incident sparked the foosball saga. Senior Andrew Thurman expressed his disbelief at the situation: “I can’t believe they [the group of unnamed females] would do something like that!” Some angry seniors decided to fight fire with fire by committing other acts of theft, like stealing the cellar’s coffee maker. They hoped to use it as collateral to get the stolen foosballs back, but the thieves didn’t take the bait.

In the end, the seniors were locked out of the cellar for a multitude of reasons, (some of) the foosballs and other objects were returned, and a relative sense of order was restored, for now….

By Cal Harris, Staff Writer ’12

FEMALE PERSPECTIVE:

The age old battle of the sexes recently wreaked havoc on the divided senior class. Baseless blames, petty arguments, immature retaliations — it was all there. A full-fledged conflict ensued from an unsubstantiated claim of theft. The boys asserted that an unnamed individual stole the foosball because the players were “being too loud.” While no one expects quiet in the cellar, continuous yelling and banging on lockers is enough to grate on anyone’s nerves.

However, this was not the reason behind the disappearance of the sacred foosball. The suspected girl denied the charge and many thought it seemed much more likely that the boys misplaced their precious ball in the always cluttered cellar. Another disappearance occurred and the boys went from a state of anger to uncontrollable fury. The reaction of the boys was so strong and so passionate that they even chased the poor girl around the parking lot and cornered numerous others. To call the resulting response an overreaction does not do it justice.

The boys turned on the girls and the grade when they made the “mature” decision to steal the coffee maker bought by a senior. Even after Mr. Hall pleaded with them to bring it back, they still refused. The result was a grade-wide lockout for several days. Senior Frances Fuqua expressed her confusion, “I don’t understand why you would steal an expensive coffee maker when a foosball is pretty cheap. It seemed over the top to me.” While the trigger of the controversy may have been at the hands of a senior girl, the issue spiraled out of control thanks to some other people’s uncalled-for melodramatic reaction. Senior Kelly McAninch summed it up: “The whole thing was just juvenile.” Who knew something so small could create madness so large?

By Claire Quintrell, Features Editor ’12


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